Post 19 – The War on Christmas – A Warped Holiday Story
Posted on | December 25, 2009 | 7 Comments
Legal Notice: This story, video and all the contents therein are purely for entertainment purposes. We are in no way affiliated with the actual Christmas, actual war, punditry, the extreme left, the extreme right, the extreme middle or any other group with any agenda other than humor. Joseph Coaler Productions did not set out to offend anyone, but sometimes, feelings get hurt. We hope it’s not yours, but if it is, we take absolutely no personal responsibility for your level of outrage.
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Several years ago, little Joe Coaler started noticing a trend that he thought was interesting. People in stores began saying “Happy Holidays” starting around December 1st and going through January 1st. (Some stalwarts started saying it in late November and continued until mid-January, but little Joe thought this was a bit extreme.)
Along with the greeting came bright lights, exciting and wonderful music with moving harmonies and extravagant instrumentation. There were brightly bedecked trees that smelled of lovely pine forests, large golden Menorahs with their nine flames, choirs in festive outfits, sculptures and dioramas in different sizes of an open stable filled with amazed animals and a small child in a straw bed, and everywhere he looked he saw the same large bearded man dressed in bright red. Snow, both real, plastic and flocked, lay everywhere.
Every movie, play, television show and radio program seemed to be either about the transformation of a fellow named Ebenezer Scrooge or a large green beasty called Grinch.
And shopping. Everyone was shopping. Money was being spent in amounts that boggled his little mind. He liked his mind being boggled, it felt all tingly, so he thought that this must be a good thing. The economy could always use the influx. The moving around of wealth from one to another. It made his tiny heart glow with pride in his fellow man.
But a darkness was lurking. People started talking about a war on Christmas. First in small whispers, then with louder and more strident voices. It frightened little Joe, but he could not see who was waging this war. He looked and looked, but there was no war against the season. No war against Christmas. No war against Hanukkah. No war against Kwanzaa, which had been born to Dr. Maulena Karenga in 1966. The season seemed completely unaffected by any kind of war against it. With a little study and research, he found that the warning had been being raised almost yearly since the late 1880s, but there had never been an actual war on Christmas. Little Joe was a good capitalist and realized, where there is such a need, there is a product, so he decided to take matters into his own hands.
The War On Christmas is being waged by Joseph Coaler Productions.
Joseph Coaler Productions is the brainchild of Steve Mancini and Geoff Hoff. It’s a problem child, of course.
Geoff and Steve have written the highly-touted, critically-acclaimed, laugh-out-loud-funny, satirical-serial novel, Weeping Willow and they’re currently writing the knee-slapping-hilarious, widely-popular, sure-to-be-a-legend, online-series, Poor Paul. They’re also exceptionally humble and despise hyphen abuse.
Happy Holidays to all and to all a good nightcap!
(Video first posted on http://www.WageWarOnChristmas.com in December, 2008.)
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7 Responses to “Post 19 – The War on Christmas – A Warped Holiday Story”
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December 25th, 2009 @ 3:49 pm
Ho Ho Ho! I am at peace.
Sheila
.-= Sheila Atwood´s last blog ..How To Work At Home =-.
December 25th, 2009 @ 4:04 pm
Love & Peace!
.-= Claus D Jensen´s last blog ..How to Calculate Customer Lifetime Value =-.
December 25th, 2009 @ 7:08 pm
That is a brilliant piece of video!
It reminds me of Tom Lehrer’s Christmas Carol. I don’t know how easy that is to find these days, but it’s dedicated, in his words “to the true spirit of Christmas, that is to say the commercial spirit.”
Peace and joy to you
Andy
http://binauraljourneys.com
.-= Andy Dolph´s last blog ..Confidence Hypnosis – A gift from Wendi! =-.
December 25th, 2009 @ 7:54 pm
I know Tom Lehrer well (Poisoning Pigeons in the Park and the Vatican Rag, etc.) but I don’t know the Christmas Carol. He said, and I quote, “it’s humbling to know that when Mozart was as old as I am, he’d been dead for three years.”
What a warped mind.
.-= Geoff´s last blog ..Wage War on Christmas – A Warped Holiday Story =-.
December 26th, 2009 @ 10:46 pm
Honestly… I really feel this way about Dec. 15th. I could blow the entire idea up… I’m frustrated, tired, out of money and I still have family, cleaning house, cooking, family, wrapping gifts, cleaning house, cooking, family. By the time Christmas time comes… I’ve hit the wall.
It also might be that I designed Christmas products for the craft and gift industries for over 20 years. We started the new year in Jan. so by the time Christmas came I could have wage war. Perhaps, I’m the one who made the initial threat. Glad to see someone carried it out. Thanks!
.-= Kathy – Insightful Nana´s last blog ..Get Back To Basics – Needle Crafts =-.
December 27th, 2009 @ 12:07 am
Kathy – you are most welcome. We declared war, you are the muse!
December 27th, 2009 @ 12:45 am
I can hear the score, in my mind’s ear, for this blog, now. You like oboes, right?