When We Fear Praise
Posted on | May 5, 2010 | 8 Comments
I have often heard a variation of the comment that someone doesn’t trust or can’t accept praise. A good friend recently went as far as to say, “Don’t tell me I’m special, I don’t want to hear it.”
There are many reasons to have this attitude:
- Not believing you could be special
- Thinking that whoever is praising you has some hidden or not so hidden agenda
- Believing it unseemly to tout one’s own accomplishments
- Not wanting to “Raise One’s Head Above the Crowd” for fear if it being lopped off
- Not wanting to get a big head
- Acute embarrassment at being singled out
- Acute embarrassment at it having taken so long to be singled out
- Not wanting to appear arrogant
- Really, really liking the praise and being fearful that, if you let people know that, they’ll stop praising you.
- etc.
I have also been uncomfortable with praise. I’m sure for me it is a combination of any number of the above reasons, depending the day, the event and my circadian rhythm . Oddly, though, I have also always desperately sought praise. You’d think I’d be happy when I got it, but that would be too emotionally stable. The mental dissonance that praise often sets up can be very disconcerting and can itself cause the fear of it. The many separate thought waves that the praise sets in motion often momentarily overtake our ability to reason.
So. How do we strive for excellence if we fear praise? Praise is not a great reason to pursue excellence, but is a natural by product of it.
I have seen people who have a very gracious way of dealing with praise. They accept it. They don’t add to it or try to diminish it or comment on it or make any judgements about the praise giver or try to appear humble in its presence, they simply accept it. What lovely and enviable equanimity. I’ve actually tried it. (Yes, I am publically admitting that I have received praise for my work.) When I simply accept it, whether I agree with the praise or not, whether I trust the praise giver or not, it immediately calms the dissonance in my head and allows me to actually enjoy my own accomplishments.
That is only a good thing.
~Geoff Hoff
Co-author of the how-to guide On Writing a Short Story.
| Sign up to get updates from Geoff and Steve and get the eBook, “Unleash Your Creative Writer” free. |
(@conniegreen #blog30 a25)
Comments
8 Responses to “When We Fear Praise”
Leave a Reply
Keep Up with Geoff and Steve
And just for doing so, we'll give you our eBook, "Unleash Your Creative Writer", a $9.95 value FREE!
"Not just for writers, invaluable information for any artist."
Geoff was Featured Blogger!
– Advertisements –
 |
|
|
|
Join Us in our New Forum!
Learn Creative Writing
--==**==--
Who are these guys?
Law of Attraction Words
Search the Site
Recent Comments
- What’s In Your Plan? – Make Money by Marketing Your Online Business With Powerful Web Marketing Strategies! on I Resolve to Continue
- Marilyn Southmayd on Interview with Terrie Wurzbacher about Creativity
- Adam DeTroy on Post 21 – Daydream Yourself into Your Work
- Geoff on Do Marketing and Art Go Together?
- Kathy on Do Marketing and Art Go Together?
Tags
May 5th, 2010 @ 9:55 am
Fearing praise is most often a self-esteem issue.
Sometimes it’s because a person worries that others will think that they are egotistical, or they were taught that they should always be humble.
Learning how to receive and accept praise graciously as you mentioned in your post, and being truly grateful that you are making a difference in some way is crucial to living a fulfilling life.
.-= Beth Earle´s last blog ..Happy Cinco de Mayo! =-.
May 5th, 2010 @ 10:08 am
Beth,
Thanks for the comment! Yes, being grateful that you are making a difference, or that you have somehow positively affected someone’s life would go a long way toward being more able to accept praise.
May 5th, 2010 @ 12:10 pm
Hi Geoff,
My mom taught me to always accept praise by simply saying thank you. It’s at least polite, she’d say.
I agree that if you “train” yourself to say thanks, you will find it gets much easier to accept praise and to feel good about it.
.-= Deb Augur´s last blog ..Update On My YouTube Strategy =-.
May 5th, 2010 @ 12:17 pm
Yes, indeed, Deb. It does get easier. And when it gets easier, doing things worthy of praise also gets easier! Funny how that works. Thanks for your comment, as usual!
May 5th, 2010 @ 1:17 pm
Thank you, thank you, and thank you!
I see this all of the time, with me and with others…
You start to say something nice to someone and they immediately start to lower their eyes, etc… Saying Thank You is my solution, even when I don’t feel that I’ve done anything particularly praiseworthy.
Thanks to you for your inspiring work!
.-= Mike Sweezy´s last blog ..Two Hugs and a Hooah! =-.
May 5th, 2010 @ 2:16 pm
And thank you, Mike, for your very kind comments.
May 5th, 2010 @ 6:22 pm
Geoff,
I think if someone is fearful of praise, the best way to combat the fear is to “give” praise.
Then watch and gauge the reactions when you give praise to others and you’ll have some examples of ways to accept praise that are comfortable for you.
Melanie
.-= Melanie Kissell´s last blog ..I’m Stumped For A Blog Post Topic =-.
May 5th, 2010 @ 6:46 pm
Good suggestion, Melanie!